Fat Chance by Nick Spalding

Author:Nick Spalding [Spalding, Nick]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 1477824561
Google: w1PSoAEACAAJ
Amazon: B00IMOUZCE
Publisher: Amazon Publishing
Published: 2014-10-06T23:00:00+00:00

ZOE’S WEIGHT LOSS DIARY

Tuesday, June 10th

12 stone, 5 pounds (2 stone, 2 pounds lost)

I can’t believe we’ve been at this for three months now. Time seems to be slipping away as fast as the inches around my waist. Despite the horrors of the cabbage soup diet, and some of the other methods of weight loss I’m employing (which I can’t bring myself to write about here yet; it’s too disturbing to my fragile mental state. Check back with me when I’m not so calorie starved) I’m managing to just about maintain my sanity.

I think I’ve reached the stage where both my body and mind are getting used to the massive change in lifestyle . . . but it’s touch and go sometimes. Yesterday, for instance, I spent a good twenty minutes fantasising about going for a swim in a lake of double cream. At the centre of the lake was an island made of Jamaican ginger cake. The swimming wasn’t easy—double cream is quite thick, after all—but I managed to make the going a bit easier by opening my mouth and eating as much of it as possible.

When a telephone call snapped me out of the fantasy, I was miserable for the rest of the afternoon. I would quite happily have lived the rest of my life out on that brown squidgy island.

To make myself feel better, I picked up some holiday brochures for Jamaica on the way home from work. It looks like a nice place, but the sea is far too blue, not at all double cream like, and the island itself doesn’t look edible in the slightest.

. . . As I say, it’s touch and go sometimes.

I tell you one thing all this dieting is definitely doing, though.

It’s making me horny.

Nymphomaniac levels of horny.

I’ve now lost two stone, Greg’s dropped over two and half, and by golly, that collective weight loss is enough to set a woman’s thoughts to all kinds of dirt.

I never realised that going on a strict diet could be such a kick-start to your libido.

Before the competition started, my sex drive was well and truly in the doldrums, and to be honest, our unhealthy lifestyles have put the dampers on our bedroom activities for the past few years.

When Greg and I first met at college we were, and I’ll put this as delicately as my near-constant state of sexual arousal will let me, fucking all the time and absolutely everywhere.

I was nine stone and fit as a fiddle. Greg was thirteen stone—most of which was muscle thanks to all the rugby he played.

Frankly, we were both beautiful and we knew it.

We met when we were both eighteen years old, and high on being young and stupid. The head of the college rugby team wanted me to model a ladies’ version of the new kit he’d just wasted most of the sport department’s budget on, and I was more than happy to oblige given that the hundred pounds he’d promised me would set me up nicely for clubbing at the weekend.

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